Totally Random Vol.1

So every now and again I feel the need to just rant on about random things. It cleanses my soul. Here is what I’m ranting about today.

Bad Ass Kids

Folks please be aware when you have some bad ass kids. It seems I’m just surrounded by people and their bad ass kids and the parents either are oblivious or are putting on “The Oblivious Show” pretending their kids aren’t putting food on someone at a restaurant or tearing your shit up when they bring their bad asses over YOUR house.  (Keep them heathens at your crib)

For some reason God made me the baby whisperer while at the same time making me hate every child on the planet. It’s a cruel joke solely for HIS amusement.  Don’t get me wrong I do occasionally fall in love with a child. I love my nieces and nephews and of course my own children but the only child that I actually loved from the giddyup is the one I gave birth to and He gave us the instinctual love for ones own offspring and a gang of hormones to make that happen.  If you caught it, I did say I have children.  I inherited my first daughter with my husband so there was a getting to know you period. LOL That being said someone will inevitably bring their kid to me to teach some home training. I don’t know why I have the Gift but I do. The funny thing is it’s always a mom that pretends they have no idea that their child bites or curses or throws crazy ass tantrums until I bring it up. Dude you knew that child fell out on the ground before she came to my house. *side eye*

Anyhoo, how does a mother not hear their child CONSTANTLY crying for absolutely not one GOTT dang reason. Or better yet why doesn’t she DO something about it? And what is this new technique of handing that screaming bad ass child ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to try and shut them up?! (The whole while they are throwing the shit right back at the mom) You handing that child snacks, toys, your phone, ipad, ipod, junk food, candy, your wallet, your nuts. Yeah I said it! GROW A PAIR! You are the adult and that child ain’t the boss of you! I wish my kid would tell me no. I mean I really want to see what would happen because its not even in the realm of possibilities.

I often get asked how do I get my kids to be so well behaved. The Answer: Magic and I give them vodka. NO Bish! It’s called Homey Don’t Play That! You are the Boss Applesauce. Tell that child to sit down and shut it. And MEAN it. I rarely have to spank my children. (But I will if it’s needed) But when I tell them something I mean it and they know it. I’m not trying to be their friend. I’m their mama. And that’s that! I do spoil them and play with them and love them but when I say stop or sit down that’s what I mean. And if you train them (also called Parenting) they understand their boundaries and limitations.  You gotta realize that you only have a short time to instill any kind of morals and values into that child before they start making their own decisions and start getting influenced by EVERYTHING outside of your house. You gotta do what you gotta do.

And also whilst you’re at it. Don’t bring them over my house breaking shit and wiping their grubby little hands all over my good furniture.






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