The Attack of the 50 foot woman

Okay so I’m really tall. Hahhaahahah. You like how I just put that out there? But no for reals. I am. I’m five foot ten. On top of being naturally vertically blessed, I’m a GLAMAZON. I pretty much always wear heels, at least four inches. That means I’m not only the tallest woman in the room (flat footed) but I’m the tallest person in the room when I’m dressed up.  Here are some of the things that I want to rant about being tall:

1. Guys calling me “Shorty”. What. The . Hell. Are you trying to be ironic? You’ve only succeeded in annoying me. The second a guy says, “Hey Shorty”.  I want to punch them in the face. (I may have anger issues)

2. People acting like they can’t find me at the club/mall/etc. Ninja you see me. I can clearly see YOU. I’m the tallest person in here.

3. Bosses always thinking my skirt is too short.  Look my skirt is the same length as Shortgirl McStuffins’ skirt. I had a boss once that used to give me the dollar test (ask someone in the service industry) every damn shift. It was the same skirt. After a while I used to think he was just trying to feel me up.

4. Only short guys hit on me. *sigh* I can’t slow dance with you.  All the tall guys like the girls that are under five foot five.

5. The lame ass short guy come ons. “I wanna climb that tree.” Dude I’m not a tree. Move around.

6. I will never take a picture with my short friends unless I’m sitting down otherwise I look like I’m taking a picture with my children. No bueno

7. I can NEVER just go buy pants or order pants. I have to special order them for the right inseam length. That puts me in a bind because I have yet to get those jeans that make me feel like ‘Wooooooo’. (Every girl wants those jeans that make your ass look so good it makes you wanna go Wooooo)

8. Someone will randomly call me ‘Big Girl’.  *Hated It* (In my Twon Merriweather voice) Google Hated it and In Living Color if you are too young to know what I’m talking about. LOLOLOLOL

Welcome to my world.

VC

 

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