So Embarrassing Vol. 2

Last week I confessed that most of my embarrassing moments include nudity of some sort. This one doesn’t include nudity but…..*Sigh*

Here goes…. VOL. 2

The year is….none of your damn business but I was in middle school so whatever. Okay first off of it was during the time when ruffle skirts and Bandolero jackets were in style. (Shut up I know it was the eighties. I didn’t ask for your opinion. At least it was the late eighties). Anyhoo, do you want to hear this or not?

My mom taught at this inner city middle school and decided I needed to go there. You see up til that point I had gone to mainly Non-Urban schools (meaning I was the only black kid there) and my mom thought I needed more “real” in my life. Mmkay…..This failed experiment ended with me getting into several fights (which I won because I’m like 7 feet tall but I was like 6 feet tall in the 6th grade), being constantly bullied because I was the smartest person in the school (literally), and everyone hating me because my mom was a teacher that kids called “Mom” and she was my actual mother.

So as I mentioned, I was the smartest person in my middle school (I had the highest GPA) and there was to be an assembly to give out academic awards. I’m talking a bike, a Nintendo (Shut up) and Cash Money Y’all!!! I knew I was about to clean up. But wouldn’t you know it? I was disqualified because my mother was a teacher at the school. The number 2 was to get all the glory and all the damn loot! Her name was Tiny Chapman (Yes that is her real name. I doubt she reads my blog) and she was a ginger.

I hated her from the moment I knew she was going to take all my shit and she didn’t earn it.  Then I find out I can’t be absent the day of the assembly because I’m supposed to be some kind of example to the other people…. I was too young to say Fuck that back then. (I would have gotten that ass beat) but I’m a grown woman now…..SO Fuck that! But I had to go.

Remember the ruffle skirt and jacket I referred to earlier? Well the day of the assembly I decide to dress up because well why not? I get to the auditorium early before anyone else gets there. I choose my seat. I start pouting.

A random girl comes up to me and says I need to move. I ignore her. Another girl says I need to move because this is where the choir is going to be sitting.  I roll my eyes. A teacher tells me to basically move my ass. So I do.

I get up in a huff and make my way down the center isle looking for a new seat. Pretty much the whole school made it to the auditorium because the assembly was about to start.

I start walking slowly down the isle. At this point its like the bus scene from Forest Gump.



“You can’t sit here.”

SO I make my way further down the isle.

One person starts snickering. Another person joins in.

I walk further down the isle. More laughter. Soon the laughter spreads like an STD at the Jersey Shore. The whole auditorium which means the whole school is laughing. Presumably at me.

I don’t know why but I look back and there is no mistaking people are laughing at me. People are pointing and falling out of their seats on the floor and into the isles.

At this point, I break out in a flop sweat. It’s running down the crack of my ass and  my armpits are hot and stinging. I finally found a spot on the FRONT ROW where all the teachers are. I am nearly in tears.

I have no idea why essentially the whole school is laughing heartily at me but I try to pull it together….when a teacher leans down and whispers in my ear.

“Your skirt is tucked into your underwear.”

That fucking ruffle skirt.

I swear to you to this day I have nightmares about that.  People called me ‘Baby Drawers’ after that because I had little flowers on my briefs. I was ashamed but looking back, what kind of drawers was I supposed to have on? I was in the sixth grade. Was I supposed to have bikini’s or Victoria’s Secret or some shit?

Anyhoo, My mom mercifully allowed me to transfer to Shotwell Middle School and I was allowed to leave that nightmare behind. We’ll talk about the shit that happened there in later volumes.

*This is a real story. Anyone who went to M.C. Williams Middle School in the late eighties knows this happened….and probably is still laughing about it*




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