Bow Chicka Wow Wow Vol.1

Okay so You know what I write about. (Psst. Its that get down) But the thing that makes my books a little different is that I put some real life stuff in each of my books. My friends and the fans that have read this factoid try and guess what I’ve written about that I’ve done in real life. That being said here’s a little freebie….

I love getting massages and anytime I do something that I can get a coupon for I choose massage. So my husband calls home and he’s so excited to tell me he got me some special massage oil and I better get ready. I’m like yeah he just wants to give me a back massage because he knows where the massage leads…..

So that day we get busy (with stuff not sex) and didn’t get around to the massage. But my hubbs continues to be soooo extra excited about this massage oil.
I had to hear about it like everyday but I wasn’t getting no massage tho.

confusedSo the day comes.  It’s massage day! I get all showered up, smelling all nice. I’m ready. I lay out on the bed…..nekkie. I await my massage.  My hubbs actually comes through.

He gets his special oil.  He breaks it out. He rubs it in his hands and dribbles it on my back . I was like what? It felt weird and super greasy and kind of sticky but I was like *Kanye Shrug* It’s about to go down.  Whatevs, massage oil absorbs into the skin so I can wait.

Well then things take their natural course (Bow Chicka Wow Wow). *Bobs eyebrows*

Bobs eyebrows

In the aftermath, I roll to the side of the bed. I glance down and see the bottle of massage oil.

DUDE!

It’s freaking LUBE! It was for your pleasure warming jerk it juice. FOrREALS!!!??? I swear he means well but I asked him did he go to the regular check out with this? And he was like yeah I thought it was massage oil.  SMH! All I can think about is how happy he was when he was buying it and the cashier thinking my husband was some kind of lonely loser happy to buy his favorite jerk off juice.

resized_creepy-willy-wonka-meme-generator-please-tell-me-again-where-they-do-that-at-64ff43

Meanwhile my back was all sticky and greasy and my sheets had big ole grease stains on them…….

~VC

 

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