Totally Random Vol. 5

Sooooo. In my everyday life I get a lot of marital questions. Mainly, I get them because I have been married for fifteen years and I haven’t killed my husband yet.  Here is a question that is reoccurring and the most popular.

“How do you still like to spend time with your husband?” And or “How do you still want to have sex with your husband?”

Okay well….here comes some hard truth. You should want to spend time with your significant other.

Let me start off by saying my marriage is not perfect.  I don’t think any marriage is.  But to answer the question of how I still like to spend time with my husband……We are friends! This is important! Yes, we have crazy sex (especially in the beginning) but we LIKE to hang out with each other. I think a big reason why relationships fail is because they only had sex in common.  Sex will ebb and flow during the course of a relationship but if you have a solid foundation then you have a chance.

Also you need to know that real relationships are tough and they require work. It’s not magic. You have to work at it. People change during relationships (as you should) sometimes one person grows and changes faster then the other or they change and want different things out of life. You have to have a common base to build off of. Anyhoo….my husband and I have common interests and although we do not spend every waking moment together (we can’t or I WOULD want to murder him) we do want to do things together. In fact, when he has to do something without me, he TOTALLY misses me.

Here is the confusing thing for me. How are y’all all out there in relationships where you don’t want to hang out with your mate? You might want to rethink your relationship.  Just saying.

As far as the sex goes. It’s a struggle. Let me be clear. (Stephen A. Smith) I am not having sex 24/7. I have no idea why people think that but I’m not. Do I have Good sex? YES! It’s great sex. Even the mundane sex my hubbs and I have is good. But we can get into a rut like everybody else. We have to shake it up and go out and connect and then the crazy sex happens. But what I have learned is that even the routine and mundane sex is necessary to maintain closeness.

But how do you get to the crazy sex? How do I do it?

STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.  Do that thing that he likes that you never want to do. You know that thing that drives her crazy–DO THAT!

Start with kissing.  Do some touching that isn’t a part of sex.

Start with that!

I’m not giving away ALL my trade secrets. Maybe I’ll write a book about it.

Smiles!

~VC

 

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2 thoughts on “Totally Random Vol. 5

  1. Love this, and the first paragraph hooked me from the get-go — “Sooooo. In my everyday life I get a lot of marital questions. Mainly, I get them because I have been married for fifteen years and I haven’t killed my husband yet.” As someone going on my 15th anniversary, I wholeheartedly agree — keeping him alive is an accomplishment!! I definitely agree with you on the friendship aspect. The sex takes work to keep it going but having that foundation of friendship is crucial.

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