Every day I wake, I am a little older. Now don’t get me wrong, I am grateful. So GRATEFUL! But I’m freaking out inside. I look at all the people around me slowly turning into their parents and grandparents and it scares the hell out of me.
I’m not particularly vain but I am scared of looking like somebody’s mama. But I think I already do. Nobody explained that getting old just happens to you. One day I woke up and the idea of going out took a back seat to sitting in bed watching Law & Order all day.
I mean seriously, I have seen every single episode of every incarnation of that show. I look in the mirror and barely recognize myself. I workout and what not but I see my body changing and I hate it.
And there is the whole…..What have I accomplished angle. There is so much I want to do and so much I haven’t done. I think about this more and more. But here’s the thing. I want to do more but I’m ALWAYS tired. And I’ve heard that the getting tired thing only gets worse as you get older. So then I am reminded of that commercial about doing cocaine.
I don’t do anything because I’m tired because I’m getting older and I get more tired so I dont do anything….
And then I realize I’m slipping away from youth my when I don’t know (or care about ) 60% of the people on a red carpet for an awards show. Any awards show. I’m usually that chick that is tuning in to E! for the red carpet and oohing and ahhing over what people have on. And I usually know who EVERY ONE is. I don’t know who these people are and they all pretty much annoy me. I don’t even care enough to DVR it anymore.
Who am I? What am I turning into? What will I become?