This is Personal: Family is complicated

Okay so this post will be in three parts. I have been having a few things on my mind and heart. Look I know that family can be complicated and life can be unfair but man it has been hitting me in the face in 2016.

Part 1:

I had a death in my family.  My niece died last week and like you would expect it hit me hard. Since I found out, I have been crying off and on and in the middle of the night. She was a beautiful spirit and an incredible young person. I wasn’t prepared but can you really be prepared to say goodbye to someone whose life was cut short right when she was beginning it.

I am having a really hard time with this. And then my heart goes out to her mother. She is being so strong. And I know her heart is broken into a million pieces. This was her baby . Her girl. This situation is unfathomable. All I can do is think about my own child and if I could be that strong. I want to be there for her but I don’t know what to say so I just tell her that I love her. And that I’m here.

I’m also dealing with the guilt of not going to see her the last time. I was working and declined to go to dinner. I didn’t know that would be the last time I would have gotten to see her.  I regret it.  You just never know what is around the corner. You just never know.

Hug your loved ones. Tell them you love them. Kiss your children and be grateful that you get to kiss them.

Part 2:

The day I found out my niece died, I had JUST gotten through talking to my mother about making better choices for her time of life. I understand that transitioning into another stage of life is hard but at some point you have to start thinking realistically.  She is making decisions that put her in danger. My mom is not in the best health but since she feels better, she thinks she is invincible. But she’s not.  She’s already had a major near death experience.  This tragedy with my niece should show her how fragile life really is.

I know she thinks I’m being Miss Know it all but I just want her to be safe so she can live as long as possible.

Part 3:

I have YET ANOTHER family member in poor health. She is in a really bad situation health wise. But here is my issue. Me and this family member have never had a good relationship. It was tumultuous up until the time of her illness. She has picked fights with me, lied to me, lied on me, tried to undermine my marriage, called me names and tried to physically fight me. Yeah alla that. But now that she’s sick, she’s trying to hug me and is constantly calling me “Pretty” and paying me compliments. I don’t know how to react so I am just wooden. I feel like there is a berth between where we were and hugging and compliments.

Maybe there needs to be an honest conversation and an apology or two. I’m struggling with this because she is really sick. I have forgiven her for past behavior but I have not forgotten. It was years of crap. I will say that I’m trying though.

All of this is happening at the same time. I’m struggling but I do have a positive outlook on life. I am grateful for what I have and the love that surrounds me.  But damn it if family ain’t complicated.

 

Rest in Peace Sweet Girl

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